The Rules For Good Texting Banter

If only there was a career for this. Wait, is there?

There are a lot of things I am not good at. If I’m being real, my brain is scarier than ever postpartum. But there is one thing I am confident that I am amazing at, and that is text banter. If you ever DM me “what do I respond to this?” I am always excited to jump in and give you something to say. I am the go-to person in my single friend’s lives. And recently, a writer friend of mine approached me for a piece on how to flirty text. So, I feel it’s my responsibility to share some of my secrets with you:

1. Don’t overthink it. Truly say the first thing that comes into your head. It’s usually the funniest and the most DGAF.

2. The less punctuation the better. I don’t mean to write “u” and “ur” but I don’t think you need periods and commas. It takes the wit away.

3. If reviving a conversation, don’t start with an apology. “OMG sorry I never check this!” just respond with something that either continues the conversation or make a joke like the above screenshot.

4. Be warm and friendly and flirty, but not overly complimentary. As women, we default to thinking men need tons of exclamation points and praise otherwise they won’t think we are excited about them. Limit to 1 exclamation point per conversation.

5. Don’t you dare, under any circumstances, ever take back something you said! For example, if you’re like “ooh just saw that Shoo Shoo just reopened, should we go?” - STAND BY THAT! - don’t say “or we can try somewhere else” an hour later. It takes away all your beautiful confidence that it seemed like you had when you asked.

6. If in the texting/talking stage and talking throughout the day, spice up the conversation so it’s less of “how’s your day going?” and more of “so, what’d did you wear to work today? trying to decide if you’re more of a vest or puffer coat guy” - this can also work when you’re still talking on the dating apps.

7. Always respond like you are dating someone else and you shouldn’t be talking to them. I know that sounds insane, but just go try it lol.

On that note, I will leave you wanting more! Comment if you want more banter substacks :)

L