When A Man Likes You, His Blinders Are Immediate

In case you weren't aware, you need to be!

I recently put up a poll that someone submitted and it was, “when should a guy stop actively using his dating apps (if he wants to date you seriously)?” the results were as follows:

After 3 dates - 40%

After 4-5 dates - 40%

After 6-7 dates - 20%

I gotta tell you, I am shook. 60% of woman don’t realize that when a man likes you, he does not focus on anyone else. It’s simply not the same as when we, as women, like a man. Women have no choice but to protect themselves. We are “getting chosen” and unfortunately men are doing the choosing. This doesn’t mean we don’t have autonomy in the situation by the way, we absolutely do. See: this episode.

So, going back to the poll, I am certain that after 3 dates with a woman, a man is absolutely sure if he wants to take this seriously or not. And if he is, he is not actively going on dating apps and seeing what else is out there. I remember when Steven and I had first started dating. He was single, so naturally, he had a few girls that he had been on a few dates with. However, we had been on our 2nd date, he stopped talking to them. When we reflect on the early stages of our relationship, he told me he had paused his hinge after our second date as well.

Steven did all of that because he knew he wanted to have a future together. Because when a man decides that about a woman, he isn’t seeking another. Unfortunately, I’ve also had the opposite experience. I was dating a man who I really liked. We were on the flight home from our first trip together. We had just become “Instagram official” aka I shared a photo of us on the grid. HORRIBLE MISTAKE. He hadn’t even asked me to be his girlfriend yet. So cringe of me. Anyway, we are on the plane ride home, and I get a text from my friends younger sister. It’s a screenshot of the guy I was with’s Hinge profile. Or maybe it was Bumble? I don’t remember because PTSD…

My first thought was, “this is bad.” But then I walked it back in my head. “This must be an old profile.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. My finding out he was on dating apps still was the best possible thing I could have found out because it showed me that he wasn’t serious about me. Even though his words had said differently, the proof was in the pudding.

All of this is to say that you won’t have to ask the man who wants to be with you to get rid of his dating apps. If he’s interested in you, he won’t be active on them. He won’t be focused on them. That doesn’t mean he has to delete them - that can come when you both are official. But the man who wants you in the future isn’t looking elsewhere. And if there is ANY DOUBT about if this man is talking to other people or not, he is not the man for you.

L