Why Aren't We Horny Anymore?
Is it just me or.... what is happening?
I was recently listening to a podcast and one of the hosts mentioned that it’s hard to rely on our desire for intimacy in the same way that we used to. I had never related to something more. It’s less about me not wanting to be intimate, and more about me literally not being in touch with whatever receptors tell me if I am in the mood or not. I am not getting the same messaging that I used to.
Why is this? Sex is a funny thing. When you’re a female in a long term relationship, it’s kind of like a workout. You may dread it before you go, but you are always happy after you do it. You feel accomplished. And sometimes you even say to yourself, “I should do this more.” But why, then, aren’t we getting the message that we want to on our own?
I don’t think this is just a situation for people in long term relationships either. Single friends of mine are feeling this way too. Friends have told me that they go through phases where they don’t have sex for a while. The more they have it, the more they want it. But they less they have it, the less they want it, too.
My friend recommended reading Come As You Are, which I probably should do. Apparently there are supplements to deal with this now too. As you get older, I feel that intimacy isn’t just sex related. There are so many moments where you feel intimately close to your partner. Not just “in the bedroom.” But I’m not gonna lie, the novelty can wear off.
Sex, like therapy, is something that you have to practice. And maybe there are some of you out there who are reading this and not feeling that way. Maybe there are singles reading this who actually get hornier *in relationships* than when single. Maybe the grass is truly always greener and that’s why roleplay is so prominent in relationships.
Whatever your situation is, I think it’s totally normal to not feel as horny as a 34 year old married woman with a 9 month old than I did when I was 23 and newly dating. However, I’d love to hear how you handle feeling this way if you do, and if this is a semi universal experience.
L
I think technology has a lot to do with this, actually. If you think about how much information we take in on a daily basis (way more than our brains can process) or how we consume news now, and how much the reality of the world playing out in front of us requires us to numb ourselves just to survive the heartbreak…you can’t numb one thing without numbing everything. So I really do think if we engaged less with our phones and the horrific news cycle and brought our attention back to the smaller moments, we would have and desire a different experience of intimacy.